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Subject:Stress
Time:09:02 pm
So I've very rarely had any stress issues. Most of the times I've been stressed have been posted here. This page really is just for my venting. Lately those stress issues have cropped up again and compounding.

My girlfriend wants more from me than I can provide; and I provide an awful lot already. It seems like she wants me to fuck her like a porn star (all the time too), be her support financially and emotionally, comfort her constantly, be an amazing dad (kind of impossible as a girl) to her child, work less hours so I can spend more time with them, do more around the house, be romantic, etc.

Now for a normal couple this wouldn't be too much of an issue, right? The issue here is that she doesn't expect to do anything in return. I have to initiate all forms of intimacy (both sexual and non), be the one to woo her, be sole financial provider for the household, etc. I'm not a man. I've never claimed to be a man. And honestly, I never expected a man to be able to provide all of that for me. I expect my partner to be able to meet me at least part of the way. So I told her that I'm not going to be able to do all that for her. I left initiating sex up to her, since she has the greater libido.

So we don't ever have sex.

I could deal with that. It's not that great an issue. But until I see that my affections aren't being completely wasted on an unconcerned partner, I'm gonna be getting a little irritated. Especially since I've been working my ass off forever now. I gave her roses, kissed her constantly, tried to cuddle, little physical signs of intimacy, teased her with sexual fantasies, left her notes saying how wonderful and amazing and beautiful she was, did everything I could to show her that I was at least interested in her.

She's left me a single note saying "thank you for everything you've done for us" and will give me a quick peck goodbye for work.

I'm not stupid. I know when I'm not wanted for more than sex and stability. They're apparently the only things I can offer a person. I'm not worth having around for more than that. At least according to others.

I'm fed up. And when she said yesterday, "I feel like you hate us, that we just make you angry and irritated, and I don't know what to do to change that," I felt like screaming.

So I come home (ha!) to an empty apartment and no note, my cellphone missing as usual (since she monopolizes it), I wanted to scream and throw things like the damn five year-old I live with. This isn't my house. This isn't my family. I've tried so very hard to make it mine, and it's just not working. And the worst is that I don't even have my security deposit back from the last place yet, so I don't have anywhere else to go.

Oy.
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[icon] Stress - Randomness From Beyond
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